Tuesday, January 15, 2008

It's just a little too late.

Recently I was working on my essay for the Loyola Marymount application and I couldn’t help but notice a connection between the prompt and the story The Death of Ivan Ilych. The question asked why the journey to be oneself seems the riskiest of all journeys. My response was it seems to frightening because we run the risk of discovering who we really are too late, like Ivan Ilych. I, and I feel many will agree with me, do not want to realize on my deathbed that the life I had lived was unhappy and unfulfilling. However, I find it hard to believe that there was not one day where Ivan looked at his life and questioned if it was what he really wanted. Maybe it was his overwhelming sense of propriety or his obsession to climb the social totem pole that blinded him from his true desires. At least there was some silver lining in the storm cloud that was Ivan’s death. His death caused Ivan to finally come to terms with his life and help him gain closure. Also, it forced many of his associates to face the realities of life. It seems everyone in the story was taking the “if I don’t think about it, then it’ll go away” approach to every little problem they faced, whether it be health, work, or family issues. Yet Ivan’s death forces those around him to open their eyes and stop avoiding their problems. Many of these characters have built up these internal walls to prevent them from getting involved with messy, emotional situations. For what reason though? Why are these people afraid to show any kind of unhappy emotion? Is it a fear of appearing weak? Ivan and his fellow power players spend their lives working their way to the top, and perhaps in that kind of dog-eat-dog environment, the best offense is a good defense. However, does that mean these men face an ultimatum, either live a happy and fulfilling life or a life spent atop the social ladder. If Ivan were able to go back and do it again, I believe he would choose the former.

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1 comment:

LCC said...

Nat--you said, "If Ivan were able to go back and do it again, I believe he would choose the former." I agree with you, as I do with almost everything else you wrote in this concise but observant entry. About the only time I narrowed my eyes and pondered off in the distance for a moment was your idea that Ivan's death would force "many of his associates to face the realities of life." There I think I disagree. Perhaps the saddest thing about this story is that, to me, his death changes nothing. His associates are still concerned only with the "tedious demands of propriety" and with the charming pleasures of their card games. It seems to me that the only change that occurs is within Ilych.